Get your shit together, everyone.
We could probably avoid at least 95% of the problems airlines are facing right now if you could all just get your shit together, travelers. It isn’t just the airline employees that think you’re the worst, it’s your fellow passengers as well. Nothing makes me want to punch someone in the face more than some jackass holding up the line because they don’t know how to accurately weigh 50 pounds.
On behalf of Second Glance, and for your own safety, here are a few more airline etiquette rules to follow in addition to making sure “your seat back and tray table are in the full upright and locked position.”
Have your ID and boarding pass ready to show the attendant when you’re checking your bags and….. wait for it…. in the security line too. If this is surprising to you, look at the 500 signs posted around the airport that explain this.
If you have a lot of crap in your carry on – CHECK THE F*CKER! The most irritating thing in the world is waiting for someone to pull 50 mini shampoo bottles out of their bag because you don’t want to wait five extra minutes at the baggage claim. Your life is not that exciting. Five minutes will not kill you.
Don’t bring anything stupid in your carry on. It’s 2017 people, you should know that knives, guns, and weapons in general are not allowed. And if you still can’t figure it out follow @AskTSA on Twitter. Not only is it hilarious but maybe just maybe, you’ll learn something.
Taking off your shoes is still a thing. Leave the snow boots at home. If you are even contemplating wearing gladiator sandals, just throw them in the trash now, they went out of style four years ago.
If you need to ask someone to help you put your annoying giant carry on in the overhead bin, maybe you should consider packing less. Also, don’t be the jerk who drops your bag on someone sitting underneath the bin you’re trying to shove it in. If this ever happens to me again, I will throw your crappy luggage out the emergency exit door.
For the love of all that is sacred, use headphones. I don’t care if your two-year-old wants to watch cartoons on your iPad– use headphones. They were invented for a reason. Most likely to avoid violent altercations in small spaces like airplanes.
[Editor’s note: the mom of the editing team disagrees with this. Parents– do whatever the fuck you need to do to survive your flight!].
Speaking of violent altercations, I’m surprised more don’t happen at the baggage claim. To everyone that stands two inches from the carousel until their bag comes out and refuses to move for other passengers – I hope your luggage gets accidentally sent to Dubai.
On behalf of Second Glance and our entire crew, I’d like to thank you for joining us on this journey informing the rude and oblivious. We look forward to seeing you on board in the future.
I have to be successful because I do too much drunk online shopping.
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